Jade Small
Jade Small
November 1, 2024 ·  4 min read

The secret life of people with high self-control

Ever wonder how some people seem to navigate life without breaking a sweat when it comes to self-control? These individuals make resisting temptation look easy, but as research shows, it may be more about avoiding those temptations in the first place rather than fighting them head-on. Here’s what science reveals about the unique, often unexpected, approach that people with high self-control take toward life — and why it might be easier than we think.

High Self-Control Leads to Happier, Healthier Lives

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For people with high self-control, life has some clear benefits. Studies show they tend to excel academically and professionally, enjoy strong relationships, and experience fewer issues like binge eating or substance misuse. They even report higher life satisfaction, contradicting the common belief that self-control means constant, joyless discipline. People with high self-control aren’t miserable; in fact, they’re often among the happiest in the room. So, what’s their secret? It’s not iron will but rather a strategic approach to managing their environments and habits.

Resisting Temptations Is Tiring, Even for Those with High Self-Control

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Despite their success, individuals with high self-control aren’t immune to the tiring effects of resisting temptations. Research shows that self-control is like a muscle; exerting it can cause mental fatigue, known as “ego depletion.” However, those with high self-control seem to avoid ego depletion by rarely putting themselves in tempting situations. Their self-control doesn’t rely on sheer willpower in the moment; instead, they structure their lives to minimize challenging temptations, saving their willpower for more critical moments.

Avoidance, Not Resistance, Is the True Key

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Unlike popular beliefs about self-control being all about saying “no” to temptations in the moment, people with high self-control focus on avoiding situations that require intense resistance. A German study found that individuals with high self-control encounter fewer “problematic desires” because they intentionally create environments that align with their goals. In other words, they sidestep challenges instead of fighting through them, conserving their energy and maintaining self-discipline without gritting their teeth.

Habit Formation Supports High Self-Control

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People with high self-control are great at building beneficial habits, which act as automatic responses to certain situations. By developing routines around healthy behaviors, they don’t have to expend energy making decisions in the moment. For example, research shows that they tend to develop stronger exercise and meditation habits and are less likely to engage in unhealthy snacking. Their lives are built on stable habits, allowing them to act in line with their goals without needing to constantly exercise effortful self-discipline.

Self-Control Varies Across Life Domains

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High self-control doesn’t mean perfection in all areas. In fact, people with high self-control typically see the most success in work and academic settings, areas where habits can be more easily structured. When it comes to behaviors more influenced by genetic or natural tendencies — like eating — their self-control might be less effective. However, this doesn’t mean they’re failing; it simply means they focus their control where it counts, optimizing their environment and habits in ways that work best for them.

Meta-Self-Control: Planning to Avoid Temptations

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One notable trait of people with high self-control is their ability to use “meta-self-control” — essentially, self-control about their self-control. By anticipating situations where they might falter, they prevent potential lapses before they happen. For example, instead of exercising willpower to stop binge-watching a TV show after one episode, they simply avoid starting a new series if they know it will be hard to stop. This kind of preemptive planning allows them to use self-control more effectively by avoiding the need for it in the first place.

Simple Strategies for Managing Temptations

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People with high self-control use simple, effective strategies to manage their environments. For instance, they may choose to work in distraction-free areas, stay away from places with tempting foods, or limit the time they spend on potentially addictive activities like online shopping or social media. By setting up their surroundings to support their goals, they experience fewer conflicts and can direct their focus where it matters most. This strategic planning doesn’t feel restrictive to them — instead, it becomes a natural way of life.

Self-Control as a Skill, Not a Struggle

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The research supports an interesting conclusion: self-control isn’t so much about an “all-purpose inhibiting mechanism” as it is about an effortless adaptation. People with high self-control develop effective routines, avoid tempting environments, and strategically manage their impulses. This doesn’t make them superhuman; it just makes them savvy about self-management. Their lives reflect a mix of habits and intentional choices that make self-control a skill, rather than a constant battle.

Conclusion: How to Develop a Self-Controlled Lifestyle

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Self-control doesn’t have to be a strenuous test of willpower. By following the lead of people with high self-control, anyone can take steps toward creating an environment that minimizes temptation and encourages positive habits. Start by identifying areas where you can build routines, and try to avoid situations where your impulses may be tested unnecessarily. When self-control feels less like a burden, it becomes easier to incorporate it into your daily life.

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