When my daughter, Talia, came home at the end of her freshman year, she had a lot on her mind. “Mama, I don’t know how you did it,” she said. She was reflecting on a budgeting project in her class where students were assigned jobs, salaries, and various life circumstances like student loans, kids, and living situations. It was meant to give them a glimpse into adult life—except for her, it was eye-opening in a way I hadn’t expected.
A Real-Life Budgeting Lesson
Talia’s class was assigned a yearly income of $29,000 after taxes, a number that felt small to her even before factoring in any expenses. She teamed up with her best friend, and together they decided to “marry” and share their finances. But after everything, they were left with just $50 a month to work with. That budget didn’t allow for eating out, entertainment, or savings, and it didn’t even include kids.
I’ve been living on a similar income for most of my life—$28,000 a year, raising two kids as a single parent. Talia knows this, and the realization hit her hard. How had I managed on so little? The truth is, many families survive on even less, and it’s not easy.
The Reality of Single Parenthood
I became a single mom when my kids were just 1 and 4 years old, escaping an abusive marriage. Despite having long-term relationships since then, I’ve never had the support of another adult in my home. I did what I had to do, juggling jobs and doing my best to make sure my kids had everything they needed. There were times, especially in the early years, when I lived in a small town where the cost of living was low, but daycare costs were just as high as my rent.
The challenges weren’t just financial. With an income of $28,000, I qualified for Medicaid and food stamps, and we ate beans and rice for meals. There were no vacations, except the occasional camping trip. My childhood had been even harder, so I knew what it was like to stretch a dollar, but it never got easier.
A Classmate’s Struggle
Talia mentioned a classmate, Danielle, who had been assigned a budget of $24,000 a year with five kids. I can’t even imagine how that would feel. Danielle was determined to make it work, but I knew how impossible it seemed, even for a classroom exercise. It was a reminder of how daunting it is for real people in real situations to navigate the complexities of survival.
The teacher had asked students with low incomes to research safety net programs, which is a bit like telling them to “figure it out”—which is exactly what many families face. Although there are organizations that help, there simply aren’t enough resources to go around. It’s hard to find the help you need when you don’t even know where to begin, and even harder when the application process is so complex.
The Hidden Struggles of Accessing Assistance
I remember the years I spent filling out paperwork for energy assistance, food stamps, and Medicaid. It was a part-time job in itself, requiring stacks of documents like bank statements, birth certificates, and pay stubs. At one point, I gave up on applying for energy assistance because the process was so overwhelming. Instead, I took on another part-time job, even though I was already working multiple ones. The myth that these systems are easy to access is just that—a myth.
It was exhausting, and I often wondered how many people just give up and go without heat, food, or medical care because they can’t navigate the system. If you’re not lucky enough to have family to lean on, things can feel downright impossible.
What Talia Learned About Parenting
Talia’s class project showed her just how much money it takes to raise children. She now tells me she doesn’t want to have kids because of how financially overwhelming it is. Even though her dream is to become a surgeon—a job that would certainly come with a higher salary than mine—she doesn’t want the financial burden of kids. Her perspective is shared by several of her classmates, and I completely understand where they’re coming from.
It’s no secret that birth rates have been declining in the U.S. for years. One reason for this is simple: women are still the primary caregivers, and without affordable childcare and family support, it’s tough for many women to advance at work, pursue better-paying jobs, or even just keep up with the rising costs of living.
The Cost of Raising Kids Today
In today’s world, raising kids is more expensive than ever. Daycare, healthcare, food, clothing, and even after-school care for kids are all rising costs. For many families, even those with two incomes, it’s becoming impossible to cover all the costs—especially when it comes to things like braces or extra-curricular activities. Without access to safety net programs, many families are struggling to stay afloat.
My Regrets and Realities
I don’t regret working hard to provide for my kids. But I do regret missing out on time with them. The pressures of working multiple jobs and navigating complicated bureaucracy took a toll. I wish I could’ve spent more time just being present with my children instead of constantly scrambling to make ends meet.
As for Talia, her decision to not have kids is one I understand deeply. It’s hard to look at the future and see how parenthood could ever feel like a viable option for the younger generation unless our government begins to invest in programs that support caregivers.
A Call for Change
The truth is, without meaningful policy changes that support working parents—especially women—things will only get harder. If we want to ensure that future generations have the opportunity to build families, thrive in their careers, and live without constant financial strain, we need to take a hard look at how we’re supporting families, caregivers, and the workforce. Until then, I’ll keep working, keep hustling, and hope that one day, things will get easier.
This content has, in part, been generated with the aid of an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided may not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content and consulting with professionals for specific advice or information. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.